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I’ve realised what I want.

August 11, 2011

I’ve realised what I want with my life.
What I enjoy.
What makes me me.
What has been a main part in influencing my life.

I want to be a nomad.

I also want to, at some point, design and build my own place. Please see my Pinterest ‘Dream Home‘ board for details. This has been a dream of mine since I was a small child, which was the key factor in me taking an architecture degree. However, I can wait for that, and as architecture and primarily interior design is a strong interest of mine, I can probably be happy for at least another few years just dreaming and designing.

Leading from the house idea was the caravan one.
For as long as I can remember, I have wanted to get an old fashioned, but good condition caravan, do it up all pretty in lovely fabrics, paint the outside , keep everything I own in it and live in it. It’s the thing I daydream about. I can even see myself and a future little girl in there, drawing together amongst a beautiful overgrown field and then cycling to a local town. (I don’t know where her father is, but I think the lack of one is influenced by my upbringing, and possibly the worry of my dream being too bizarre for someone else to share. However, I would want my children to have a stable, happy, fun, loving life, preferably with a father in tow.)

I think this caravan obsession has strongly influenced my Minimalistic tendencies.
I’ve been wanting to move out, be free, travel lightly etc before I even hit high school.

When I was in high school, I even thought about ‘living’ in the drama costume little cupboards/locker rooms that were off our common room in year 11. But I loved my school, and times at home were hard, so I didn’t think much of it.

Now, I’m in uni where I have to leave the studio at 11pm to get the last bus home. I still haven’t moved out. It’s partly because I dont want to waste my money on rent when I want to buy somewhere/a field to build/a caravan/a car, partly because I’m scared and partly because I dont want to leave my mum on her own.
I’ve joked a lot about it being silly renting when we basically live in studio. I think I’m going to actually do it, unofficially, this year. I’ve been thinking of getting a mini lockable cabinet to put under my desk, for keeping some food (do anyway), my materials (do anyway), a change of clothes, and maybe a sleeping bag- which our year tutor last year said some people actually do. And seriously, my friends were leaving at 3am last year, if they weren’t pulling allnighters (it’s a lot of work doing architecture)- I only left to get the last bus.

I know my mum’s house will always be there for me. I just need to do it and get out.

This summer, I really wanted to get a flight to Rome, where I’ve always wanted to go, and work my way slowly back home via the rest of Italy, France, and everywhere else in between, as cheaply as I can and with as many (good) experiences as possible.

I also wanted to go to India to see my friend Mitha, and visit China and Malaysia along with the other Asian side of things while I was over there.

Instead, this summer has included 3 festivals (at least) and being a chief bridesmaid for my sister. It’s not all bad.

My passport has expired though.
Better get that sorted.

Ive learned around this summer time to always say ‘yes’ while I can.

And that it’s the experiences that count, not the things.

However, I have gone on a few shopping trips and bought an iPhone, so along with the festivals I am broke. Apart from my savings 🙂
Those savings have never been touched, apart from a little help towards driving lessons, buying a microphone and replacing a window I smashed (during that school year). Its student loan leftovers, work money and my £1 a week pocket money from when I was a kid.

Its for my caravan/house, and it always has been.
Might go on some adventures too though 😉

I’m going to take back a couple of the things that I recently bought, I’m on a spending ban until Xmas (apart from a few things I’ve listed, and PERHAPS some boots for winter), I’m going to work (amongst other things) before going back to uni at the end of September, and I’m having a bootsale, which will help both my possession heap and money dent.

I’ve updated my ‘bucket list‘. I need to travel. I physically do. I love Wales, my home country, and I know I’ll always come home, but I need to explore the world while I can, and start young do that I can fit as much into my life as I can.

I know it will cost money, and some people might think it’s ridiculous, but I would much rather have amazing experiences with my own life than just work in a boring, repetitive job, come home in the evening to stare at fake people’s fake lives on a tv and get up to do it all again. What is the bloody point? Also it can’t cost THAT much if you are clever about it. There are lots of helpful websites.
Some people might think it selfish, but I’m 20 and have already used part of my life volunteering in primary schools, a special education school, a nursery, a charity shop and a homeless charity. I’ve also given loads of stuff to charity, and donated £200 this year to comic relief.
During my travels, I also want to sit with little children and teach them to make bracelets to sell to tourists, teach them English (and learn from them, too) etc. When I went to Tunisia and saw the amazing cave houses when I was about 13, I decided I wanted to make herbal medicine in this caravan of mine (not necessarily required) and be a sort of herbal witch doctor. It wouldn’t be selfish. I’m not ripping money from other people or ‘daddy’s credit card’ and living it up in Ibiza.

Um. Sorry about this massive post. Just getting it all out and then I can work on doing something about it.
Any ideas, tips, whatever from you would be received gratefully.

As for a job, at the moment I work for Blue Arrow Catering, agency work which I weirdly enjoy so much I could do it for free (which I wont tell them now, because I actually need money at the moment), while studying architecture in uni, as I’ve said. As I love creating, I’m also going to start an Etsy account.

In the future, I’m not sure. Yes, I’m doing architecture. This is because 1) it’s a great degree 2) it’s fun 3) its ‘clever’ and I have the grades so it’s a family impresser/satisfier, 4) I want to design a house for myself 5) it’s got the perfect balance between art and academia 6) its like interior design, which I love, but covers more and 7) it’s what I wanted to be as a kid so was easier to pick out of the other 300 things I wanted to study.

I don’t necessarily want to be an architect.

What about repaying the fees??’ I hear you cry. Please reread the 7 statements.

Plus, I’m only taking out half the loan this year, and I also get a grant (which makes me feel guilty, especially because I swapped high schools because I felt guilty in the one for it being paid for through a scholarship etc ..).

I intend to NEVER get into debt. I’m NEVER getting a credit card. I barely drink, don’t smoke and have never been a big spender (apart from these festivals.. cough) so I trust myself on that.

Possible future jobs I’d love to do (that don’t require a whole extra degree):
Primary school teacher
Social worker/kids home person
Run a cafe/craftshop/bookshop/activity place combo
Anything related to design that isn’t commercial
General artist/ photographer
Musician/stage/theatre performer

This can come after or during travel though, don’t you think? The typical ‘paint and sell in Italy’ dream.
I’m definitely going to complete the first section (3 years) of this (7 year long) course. I’d never forgive myself if I left now.
I’ll just take every opportunity along the way.

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